Melt with You: Christmas edition

Perhaps you’ve seen this Christmas ad as you’re watching TV this holiday season.

I laughed out loud the first time I heard it. Not in the “That was the funniest thing I’ve heard a comic say today” sort of way, but in a “Did I really live long enough to see this monstrosity?” sort of way.

Because seriously? Hershey’s chocolate is rather melty, and it is Christmas time, but that’s no reason to subject us all to a ridiculous carol version of an 1980s song. Even a good one.

I wish companies would hire actual jingle people again and leave the music I rather like alone. I love indie music, but it’s disconcerting to clue people in to the song I like by referencing a commercial. It’s even worse to use the latest commercial as reference points for some of my favorite songs that are older than the kids I work with.

The saddest thing is that I usually can’t remember what company is using which song. Decades later, I can still sing all the words to Oscar Mayer’s “B-O-L-O-G-N-A” jingle, but I can’t tell you who used “Such Great Heights.” And if you’re going to make a song I like annoying, I’m looking at you company who used The Beatles‘ “Revolution,” at least make it memorable to your product.

So on the one hand, thanks for introducing a whole collection of kids to Modern English, but please leave the rest of the songs I love, which are legion, alone. Hire talented jingle writers to provide your missing element and leave my happy memories out of your annoying market necessities.