are the freaking scariest things.
Seriously. They are huge; they eat birds; they eat snakes; they take over the trees. Driving through the outback, we would pass stands of trees that look like the picture below – a nice place to wander through and connect with the land. Until you get closer and see the massive spider webs between the tree blocking most of the paths (as we were driving and not
stupiding braving the guardians of the trees, I don’t have any good pictures of those massive, Mirkwood level webs).
And, just in case they weren’t scary enough, they also take over farm land (granted the move to the farm avoids drowning, but still the fact that Aussie spiders make places in Australia that haven’t seen snow in millennia look like they are ready for a white Christmas is terrifying).
I’m pretty sure Australian spiders were the nightmare kernel at the heart of the amazingly terrible Kingdom of the Spiders with William Shatner (embedded below because everyone should know this gem).
Australian spiders must serve some purpose beside keeping the tourist travel at a reasonable level or inducing nightmares of being wrapped up and eaten, but I’m not entirely sure what that is. The good thing about most of these spiders? They’re so large it’s hard to be surprised by them.
“Spider attack! There are more crawling around lying in wait for you to close your eyes and drift off to sleep so that you are easier to subdue.”
This is my brain’s current screeching. Because I found this waiting for my on my drying rack next to my finally dry socks.
And HOLY-FREAKING-CRAP! it was fuzzy, and the jaw-things fluoresced that yellow color under the camera flash, and it released venom in that container right after this picture was taken!
I have no idea what kind of spider this was. I’ve never seen it in Southern California. Ever. And I used to live on the edge of the desert and am very familiar with wind scorpions, black widows, and even brown widows (now that they’ve moved to the area).
Perhaps this was a baby Shelob, and I missed my opportunity to journey into Mordor and save the world.
But for once I don’t care if I missed my opportunity. Because seriously, this is one creepy spider, and I am terrified of spiders. (Don’t even try to convince me that this fear is stupid. I know it’s irrational. Just accept that I am afraid of their disconcerting movements and giant pincer-things and their disproportional ability to potentially kill me.) And I stayed up writing this out in an effort to possibly sleep at least a little tonight.
If you do, however, happen to know what kind of spider this is, please let me know. It’s free outside away from me, but I would like to know in case it brought along friends.