The title is a reminder to myself. It’s family mantra, much like the Stark’s “Winter is Coming” (and at times equally as tragic). It’s an affirmation that nothing is permanent, as well as an encouragement to endure the rough patches and embrace the moments of joy, because both are fleeting and will be gone in another breath.
Tonight was night 2 of First Day of School for my new Ph.D. program (sidenote – I’m beginning a Ph.D. program in Education with an emphasis in Curricular and Cultural Studies. This will probably come up again over the next 4-ish years, just a guess). And the class for this night is basically “Welcome to this Ph.D. program in Education! Here’s everything you’ll be expected to know!” This is a great class to have; tonight I am overwhelmed, though, because I feel terribly behind in my base knowledge for my new discipline.
A large reason for this feeling grows from switching fields. I have a M.A. in English, which means I know how to read very well, and I can write well in the MLA format. Education is an entirely different beast. My reading skills transfer over, but the discipline uses APA, which is in many ways opposite to MLA, so I will have to re-learn how to write somewhat. And my experience with The Canon will only be mildly helpful.
I was sitting in class tonight, listening to the professors go over the expectations and the assignments for this class and realized how large the gaps in my knowledge are for this field. And I started to panic a bit.
So I’m doing what I always do when I know that I am spiraling into a dark pit even Hamlet would avoid, I’m writing. And I’m writing here, because if I’m getting a Ph.D., I have to get more comfortable with the idea of people reading me.
I have similar concerns and doubts with every degree. The rational part of me knows that I will succeed, and that Future Chandra will look back on Current Chandra and laugh at how stressed out I am in this moment. But I’m still Current Chandra, which means I have a tremendous amount of reading to catch up on so that I can stand in a place where I can be Future Chandra laughing at this moment some day. Because this, too, shall pass.