Australian Spiders

are the freaking scariest things.

Huntsman Spider

Seriously. They are huge; they eat birds; they eat snakes; they take over the trees. Driving through the outback, we would pass stands of trees that look like the picture below – a nice place to wander through and connect with the land. Until you get closer and see the massive spider webs between the tree blocking most of the paths (as we were driving and not stupiding braving the guardians of the trees, I don’t have any good pictures of those massive, Mirkwood level webs). Outback Queensland

And, just in case they weren’t scary enough, they also take over farm land (granted the move to the farm avoids drowning, but still the fact that Aussie spiders make places in Australia that haven’t seen snow in millennia look like they are ready for a white Christmas is terrifying).

I’m pretty sure Australian spiders were the nightmare kernel at the heart of the amazingly terrible Kingdom of the Spiders with William Shatner (embedded below because everyone should know this gem).

Australian spiders must serve some purpose beside keeping the tourist travel at a reasonable level or inducing nightmares of being wrapped up and eaten, but I’m not entirely sure what that is. The good thing about most of these spiders? They’re so large it’s hard to be surprised by them.